Reclaim Your Power Using the STORY Method with Carrie Rowan

Meg Kearney (00:00)
Welcome back to the route to rise seeds for spiritual awakening podcast. I'm your host Meg Kearney. And today my guest is Carrie Rowan. Carrie is an international bestselling author of the book, tell a new story. She's also a mindset and energy coach, a singer songwriter, and a speaker. She pretty much does it all. So in the episode today, we talk about those mental stories that we have about ourselves that are running in the background.

or maybe even in the forefront of our mind. And Carrie gives tangible, actionable steps of how to rewrite these stories so we can create the lives we want. Thank you so much for tuning in. There's so much wisdom in this episode and I hope you enjoy it.

Meg Kearney (00:51)
Welcome, Keri, so excited to have you on the podcast today.

Carrie Rowan (00:56)
Hi, thank you so much for having me, Megan.

Meg Kearney (00:58)
Yeah, of course. So you wrote a book, it's called Tell a New Story, Five Simple Steps to Release Your Negative Stories and Bring Joy to Your Life. And I'd love to talk with you about it today. And in the book, you have this framework called the story method. So what is the story method?

Carrie Rowan (01:18)
Ooh, that's a good question. The story method is something I created because I love for people to really have something easy. Like, especially if I'm doing a talk, with a group of people, I want them to have like a takeaway. And the story method came to me one time when I was out on a walk because it really encapsulates everything and it's the acronym for story S D O R Y and it encapsulates everything and my five steps. And if you can remember that, it will really help you dig in. Do you want to go through with the five of them arm?

Meg Kearney (01:45)
Yeah, let's do it.

Carrie Rowan (01:46)
Okay.

So the S is your state, like not where you live, but your state of mind, which you do actually live in. Right? So it's your state of mind. Like, where do you find yourself mostly? Because we usually have some emotions that we're all kind of addicted to, like that we usually hang out in. So if you ask yourself, Hey, where, what is my state? Like where, where am I? Where did I usually hang out? And more importantly, where do I want to go? Where do I want to be? Do I want to live in joy and fulfillment?

Do I like the state that I live in? So state is really, there's so much in that, but when it comes to your stories, you want to figure out what state of mind you're in because what state of mind you're in determines what stories you'll tell and pick out. And, and it kind of goes like, if you're in a good state of mind, guess what stories you're telling. And if you're feeling kind of down and negative, well, guess what stories you pull out on that day, right?

Meg Kearney (02:34)
Totally, yes. And our stories can run wild if we let them. you talk about some reasons that we might tell these stories. What are some reasons that people may tell stories? I know you mention a few in the book.

Carrie Rowan (02:47)
Absolutely. Well, let's because we're talking about state, I'm going to say they tell the stories because of the state of mind they're in. Right. So if they're super frustrated and life isn't going where they want you sort of, I like to think about that scale of emotion, right? Like that emotional guidance scale. If you're way down in those frustration and disappointment, well, you're pulling out all those stories of frustration and disappointment, aren't you? You're like, Oh, and another thing. And here's the thing, the momentum starts to pick up.

And then you start to remember other stories and your brain is just doing its job. It's going to go get all those stories. It's going to remember everything that person did wrong. Do ever like in that state of mind and like you might be in an argument or thinking about something like, my God, all of a sudden, all the things they ever did wrong come so easily to you because you're focused on what's what's not right on what's wrong. And the brain is just going to do its job and find that for you. so that's why state's important because that's why you're telling those stories, because you're in that mood.

Meg Kearney (03:32)
You

Carrie Rowan (03:44)
And here's the interesting thing. You can tell the same story when you're in a good mood or when you're in a bad mood. And guess what? It's, it's flavored by that state that you're in. You've ever noticed that? Or you know, somebody, somebody whose stories you know, well, you can pick up on easily, right? When they're doing that. So that's why it's really important to understand what state you're in. State is the foundation of everything, right? It's like 85 % of everything we do is that state of mind that we approach it in.

Meg Kearney (04:10)
Mm-hmm. I definitely could see that and I have done that myself where I'm in a good mood telling a certain story, then something happens, I'm in a bad mood, I tell the story to somebody else and it has a completely different element to it and in thinking about our state, would you say that our...

state, maybe our physical bodily state is what determines our stories or is it the stories that are influencing our bodily state?

Carrie Rowan (04:42)
I love talking about this. Here's the interesting thing. It goes both ways, right? Based on our state, the state that we're in affect the stories that we tell, but.

Just like you said before, the stories we tell can affect the state. So you can be in a really great mood, right? And you're feeling good and you're cruising through your day. You're feeling like you're kind of in that flow, right? And then all of sudden, bring, bring that friend calls and she wants to hear the story of what happened two days ago, but you're already way past that. You really don't want to talk about that story because it was angry and frustrating and wow, the person was such a jerk. So you don't want to talk about that, right? But they just kind of cajole you and come on. And then you feel guilty and you need to tell them. So you start telling the story.

happens

to your state? It goes right down the tubes. So, that's the way that, your story can also affect your state. Your state can affect your story, but your story can affect your state. Isn't that kind of cool?

Meg Kearney (05:24)
Mm-hmm.

That's really cool. yeah, definitely I've had those moments where I have a second thought of, maybe I shouldn't tell this story right now. Like you said, it just seems so far in the past, but you want to connect with people. You want to tell them the story. They want you to tell them the story and then boom, right down the tube. So you talk about the importance of managing our state.

Carrie Rowan (05:56)
It's so true.

Meg Kearney (06:01)
What are some techniques that you personally use to manage yours?

Carrie Rowan (06:06)
Ooh, that's a good one. Well, we just did one before we got on the call. I love to use little, um, physical energy medicine things. Like I'm really big into tapping. And so if something's frustrating, uh, or you know, whatever, I've got something in my mind that's really bothering me or causing me anxiety. I'll even be out walking sometimes that I'll just start tapping, you know, emotional, what EFT is emotional freedom. So I start tapping and I have a video actually in my book. Um,

So that's, energy medicine is a really easy, fast way to do it. But because what we're doing is we're changing our body, right? Using your physiology to change your state happens really fast, right? Like if something's happening and you're like, wait, I'm just gonna step away from my desk and I'm gonna go for a walk, right? Maybe it's lunchtime and you're at the office.

And when you leave and you physically go for the walk, you're changing everything. Think about it in your physiology. You're moving, you're breathing differently. Your arms are swinging. You're actually balancing your energy centers when you walk like that. Maybe you're picking up your pace. Your heart is starting to pick up. So everything chemically is changing in your body. So it's only natural that boom, your state changes right along with it. That's why exercise is one of the things that work so quickly.

and then couple that with music. So now we're changing what we're focused on, because now we're focused on the song. Now you're walking and you have good music. Well, now you've got two things. You're using your focus and your physiology to change your state. And that's really the fastest way to do it. It's why I usually keep my little mini tramp here in my office behind me, because I'll jump on my little mini trampoline before I get on a big call.

Meg Kearney (07:36)
That's so fun, I need one of those.

Carrie Rowan (07:38)
You really do. It's

awesome. It's awesome. A little 10 minute workout on that is like a 40 minute run they say.

Meg Kearney (07:45)
Wow, that sounds great. So the second step of the process is true intention. And I want you to talk a little bit about this as well, but kind of going back to what you were saying about movement and even music. Sometimes if I'm in maybe a lower vibe state, I have a tendency to put on music that's maybe also lower vibe or

Carrie Rowan (07:52)
Yes.

Meg Kearney (08:10)
Maybe I'm frustrated and I'm going to a yoga class. Usually by the end, my frustration is gone, but sometimes the stories are still going in that movement, or I'm latching onto stories of a song that's more lower vibe. So can you talk about how intention plays into what we use to change our state?

Carrie Rowan (08:32)
Sure, absolutely. Well, intention is so important because it's one of the things we don't think about with our story, right? Like we never think about, ooh, why am I telling that story? Right? It's sort of like you said earlier, you start to catch yourself. You're recognizing what you're doing with your stories. Ooh, I was just telling that, but really that could be a good story. But I was just telling it so negatively, right? So starting to become aware because we use our stories and I tell people a lot of times when you start to get into this work, you have to have some self-compassion, right? Because you're going to uncover things and

reasons that are kind of yucky that you might not like. So there can be really positive intentions. I'm telling the story because I want to really connect. Or like you said earlier, I was going to tell my friend the story because I want to connect with her. want to, but sometimes it's not in our best interest, right? Because we, it's going to bring us down. So when we can start to recognize that.

And really look at what is the intention behind that story because a lot of times stories can be sneaky. Um, there's these sneaky little intentions of trying to get needs met through a story, right? And you, you're too scared or whatever the other emotion is. So you use a story to try to maybe influence somebody or get somebody to like you or get somebody to not like somebody else. Or these are all the kind of the dark side of stories I talk about in my chapter. Um, or maybe you, you want to elicit.

it

help from somebody so you tell the story the victim story that nobody is ever there for me right because you're trying to get something met in sort of not a direct way right so we use stories a lot of times and and sometimes we don't even really realize that we're doing that but the other person feels some incongruence there you know in our story so I love to do an exercise where where with when I'm doing like a big talk in a group of people

I'll present the idea of intention and I'll have them tell a story with a real deliberate intention. Then they have to tell the same story with a different intention. And the room just goes nuts because it's so crazy that you can be talking about the same thing and the whole story changes, right?

Meg Kearney (10:30)
I loved that part in your book. It was like a light bulb moment of just, okay, sometimes we're telling these stories, we're on autopilot, but we actually do have the ability to stop and see and think what is the objective of me telling this story. And like you said, sometimes it's needs that we're trying to meet or connection that maybe we could get in some other way. And I would love to...

If you could share a little bit more on this in your book, you talk about little black cloud stories and you specifically talked about stories you were telling around sleep deprivation and motherhood and I just loved it. So would you mind sharing a little bit about that?

Carrie Rowan (11:05)
Hahaha.

Ha ha ha.

The little black cloud stories.

my gosh. We can all picture somebody like, I'm picturing somebody right now. I'm not going to say any names. They'd always say, those little black cloud stories. How's your day? How do you think it is? Or how you doing? Just getting by. It's all you can really do. You know what I mean? Like those kind of things. They always have that doom. It's like Eeyore, right? Like the little Eeyore stories. And it's just sort of habit, right? Like a lot of these people.

Meg Kearney (11:25)
You

Yeah.

Yeah.

Carrie Rowan (11:44)
a lot of us, all of us, I'm totally guilty of it too, it just becomes this habit for us, right? Or we never really do anything proactively and we can talk about that. But the sleep deprivation stories are hilarious because I think about it now because my kids are older.

But when my kids were really small and they were 16 months apart, was like sleep was a real luxury in our house. And I kept telling my that one little story. kept telling myself, you know, this would wouldn't sleep or that one wouldn't sleep. I try to, know, everybody said, drive them in the car. They'll go to sleep. Well, my kids never did. They cried in the car. like, what am I doing wrong? Right. So all these stories of what am I doing wrong? Why am I doing this right? Like,

Meg Kearney (12:15)
no.

Carrie Rowan (12:21)
whatever it is you're doing or you're frustrated about all those little stories kick in, right? Because that's really our brain trying to like, you know, somehow in its own little way, keep us safe. Right? So starting to recognize those stories, whatever they are, and just peeling back the layers, you know, it took me a while to realize I had this tiny little story hidden inside that,

Meg Kearney (12:32)
Mm.

Carrie Rowan (12:44)
You know, I would finally come downstairs. One of my, what my youngest daughter had this one hour long bedtime routine. And so after it's like, yeah, that's a long time of bedtime. You had the stories and then you had the this and then the music, right? Um, and, uh, so anyways, there's a really cool ending to that music story, but with her, but, so I, took me a while to realize. I just came downstairs. I was just so like, uh, sleep deprived, tired.

Meg Kearney (12:53)
Mm-hmm.

Carrie Rowan (13:11)
There's nobody else to help me all those little stories that weren't true. And I heard it. heard myself say, why does it have to be so hard? And that little story shook me because I was like, wow, I say that to myself a lot. And then I started catching myself. Right. And that's really this metacognition that that happens when you start to realize what your stories are and what the flavors, because it's hard to catch the ones when we're in fight or flight, when we're in total stress, because we're stressed and we're not thinking.

in our forebrain, right? We're back here. We're living in that stress mode. So those are the hardest stories to get. So that one day when I had my head in my hands and I was crying and it was just so much, I heard it. I heard it for some reason. I was just vulnerable enough and aware enough to hear that. And that was like huge for me because I held, could hold onto it and be like, wait a minute, why am I saying that?

Do I want that? Do I want it to be hard? Because I'm really just getting more of that. All I'm saying really to the universe, if you want to peel back, you know, the law of attraction quickly is I'm yelling that I want more of that, right? Because it's really the way it works. It doesn't really hear what you're saying. It just hears, know, I'm amplifying it. So I'm actually saying, Hey, give me more of that. which is really what I didn't want. So when I started to peel that back and

started to kind of change my mindset to look at all these amazing things that were happening and stop focusing on that one little thing and that story that was making me feel worse.

Meg Kearney (14:37)
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that. I had the smallest, smallest glimpse of sleep deprivation when I got my puppy and I thought that was hard so I can't imagine two kids 16 months apart. So kind of going off of that, how, from the time when you knew that you were telling a story to getting to the point where maybe you could appreciate the experience a little bit more, what?

steps were you taking and how did your experience shift and maybe even your relationship with your husband shift? Because I know obviously he was hearing your story as well and he is experiencing his own probably stories too. So how did things shift for you?

Carrie Rowan (15:19)
Yeah.

Well, I started once, think the whole big, the biggest part of the stories is, figuring out what they are, right? Because you have different stories than I have and so on and so forth, even though a lot of our stories are collective. and so really just undercover that, that undercover work that you start to do. Then I started noticing, wait a second. I'm saying this tour. Ooh. And then you start to, you start to catch yourself and you're like kind of pulling yourself back. Like, Ooh, I don't.

like that story though that story makes me feel bad which is the which is the next step right so you know what your intention is why you're telling it but what's the outcome that's the OST ORY what is the outcome of the story well okay I keep telling that story about why it's so hard and it seems to be getting harder hmm that's so interesting the way that works right so the outcome is I'm getting just what I keep talking about right because that is

Meg Kearney (16:12)
Mm.

Carrie Rowan (16:13)
the ultimate law of attraction. You get what you focus on whether you want it or not. And I think that little caveat at the end is what most people don't know. Well, I'm going to get what I focus on. I want this. I said I wanted that. I want this, but really what are you putting out there? So when I could correlated those two things together and realize like, Whoa, I don't like the way I feel after I say that, you know, and then you can start to ask yourself, how does that story make me feel? is that really supportive and loving to me? No, no, and no. and by the way,

How is that making everybody else feel around me? What if I open that story up now to, like you said, my husband? Now, what's he gonna start thinking? How hard it is? How hard this is? It's just a victim story that I'm passing out to everybody that I tell it to. So now everybody's joining me in that same negative emotion. Wow, that is really hard.

You know, it's okay to validate, like joining it is a different story, right? When everybody else is taking that same story, now it's becoming our collective story. Like, wait a second, time out. Do I want that story? Do I want it to be hard? No, I want it to be easy and joyful because this is a beautiful time in our life. We've got these beautiful young children who are healthy and happy and you know, how can I shift my perspective to that? And looking at the outcome, beginning with the end in mind,

Meg Kearney (17:23)
Mm.

Carrie Rowan (17:28)
is really a powerful thing to do. If you can stop long enough to really be aware of what that story is that's making you feel bad.

Meg Kearney (17:38)
Yeah, you talk about the outcome and how that's kind of where we start when we're thinking about where we want to go. And I'm curious, what does beginning with the outcome look like in daily practice or maybe with your stories? How could we really put this into play in our daily lives?

Carrie Rowan (17:59)
Well, that's a good question. Well, so Stephen Covey, seven habits of highly effective people business book. got a long time ago when I was starting out just like you and I had to do a presentation. All of us did on the sales team that I was on. And that was the chapter I got begin with the end in mind. And it's so important and it's really a powerful exercise. And that book is actually still the best seller on Amazon. and I'm sure a lot of people know it is to really think about that. That's why backing up.

to the beginning of a day is beginning with the end in mind. Having some sort of a ritual in place, like I'm really big on this for my clients, is you have to have a non-negotiable morning routine. That's beginning with the end in mind. Because when we can stop and plant all those good things in our head, all those good stories, who do I want to be? What are my intentions? Why am I doing this? Get that bigger why in mind and your bigger intention that usually includes something that's much bigger than yourself.

And remind yourself of those things first thing in the morning. Then when the stuff starts hitting the fan, cause let's face it, it's gonna, you're prepared. You've built up some stamina. You've already set those intentions for the day before you get to the end of the day. That's just a quick little example of beginning with the end in mind.

Meg Kearney (19:10)
love that and I know the importance of morning routines. It's definitely a little tricky for me because I'm more of a night person but I have implemented nighttime routines and it does help. So definitely like you said just having that sacred time whenever you can find it to visualize and think about what you want and feel into your body how it feels to have the outcome that you want. So

Carrie Rowan (19:38)
Mm. That's huge.

Meg Kearney (19:39)
In

yes and in relation to that so

It does take a little bit of discernment to be able to determine maybe what actually feels good for our soul versus maybe what's just like feeding our ego. For example, maybe I want more presence in my life. That's a soul goal, but maybe my ego wants more money, wants, you know, more freedom from everyday life, things like that.

How can we determine what is our ego in our mind story talking versus what actually is true to our soul and what we, the outcome that we might truly want.

Carrie Rowan (20:25)
I love what you said. goal. That's cool. Well, ultimately I feel like if you're wise big enough, I'm going to go back to that intention because it's so important to live with that intention. Right? So you said, I want to make more money. Well, you got to keep drilling down, but why? Okay. Well, because I want my child to go to this really great school. They want to go to, it's really expensive. All right. Why do you want to go there? Because I want to have a really good life. Like, and the more you keep peeling that back,

that money goal, although it looks, you could call it ego is always going to come down to your soul. You mentioned a word that's, that is your soul. said freedom and all of our souls just want freedom. are born for freedom. We don't want to be locked down. We don't want to be caged in. Right. So that is a soul. Like if you keep peeling it back, it might seem like an ego goal, but we need material things. We can be as spiritual as we want. We still can't ignore the fact that we

Meg Kearney (21:04)
Hmm.

Carrie Rowan (21:19)
We need material things in this world. And maybe the goal is, wow, I want to make a million dollars because I want to give back to this charity and that one and this one. I want to make the world a better place. I want to help help kids who don't have enough food on their plate every day in this country. Whatever your thing is, whatever your intention is that that expands out. and that is a beautiful thing that is totally feeding your soul and your family dinner. Right.

Meg Kearney (21:43)
Yeah, so it seems like when we peel back the layers at the end of the day, there is the true intention underneath it that we just have to keep asking to get to.

Carrie Rowan (21:53)
Absolutely. Yeah.

Meg Kearney (21:54)
So one more question on this. sometimes when we know where we want to be, but we're not quite there yet, we can have these stories in our minds about our outcome, about how where we are is not good enough. So what strategies do you have for releasing those stories that maybe want us to be somewhere other than

where we are right now.

Carrie Rowan (22:22)
Yeah. Well, I talk about this little mantra. I think it's really important to have mantras for yourself, right? Like that you use throughout the day that makes sense for you. and actually, you know, we could combine this with the next step that's coming up because that whole little story, not good enough is just one of those. We all have that. It's just one of those deep seated human stories that we tell, but is that really true? Right? You got to reframe that.

And you got to switch it up. Is that really true? Really? Like, let's take a look at all the things, you know, that I've done in the world that make me feel good. Let's take a look. have the full, I have my clients put together at folder. It's called a feel good folder. And in that folder is all that stuff. You know, it's a list of all the kick ass things you did. It's a list of everything. Even getting over something is really an awesome thing that you did. Right? So that goes on the list. So you need to have little reminders for yourself when that little sneaky little imposter thing comes up.

and usually that happens when we're stressed. using some of your strategies, getting out of what you're doing, going out and changing your physiology, changing what you're focused on, right? Go make a nice dinner. You folks send something outs for a minute, but really just finding, a way to bring yourself back and reframe that story that you're telling yourself, write it down and ask yourself those questions about it. I actually am good enough. I'm good enough just because I'm here because I'm human, right?

So having whatever that little mantra is that can work for you to help you. I was going to say one of the things you said too is like being here in the moment versus always looking towards the future. And that's, know, it's a yoga mantra too. It's be where your feet are. hold on a second. I've said it to my kids so many times that now they'll say, mom, be where your feet are. They say back to me. It's really awesome. Right when I need to hear it. Right. So

Whatever that little mantra is that works for you. love asking people when they come on my show with their little personal mantra is because you got to have something that stops you in your tracks. So you can be like, wait a second. I'm really off focus here. That's not really true. Do I really want to say that to myself? How does that make me feel when I tell myself that story? Let's rework that story. Let's rewrite that story. Let's tell a new story about ourselves.

Meg Kearney (24:26)
love the mantra, be where your feet are. It's in your book and it's great that your kids are reflecting it back to you because it's just a good reminder. It's good to have those external reminders and you mentioned it too, but the next step is reframe. So can you talk a little bit more about how we can reframe our stories and does it matter if we don't necessarily believe the reframe right away?

Carrie Rowan (24:55)
Ooh, that's a good question. So the reframe is just like you would, you know, it's the favorite of most coaches and psychotherapists. love the reframe. and a lot of times using your friends, if you can't get a certain reframe will help you get over that. You don't believe it thing that you're creating in your own mind, but we all do that. Right. So

Sometimes when we can ask somebody outside of ourselves, if you don't necessarily believe that reframe, like it's, let's say somebody comes to me with their worst story. I love that because I know that we're on the verge of a big breakthrough with somebody's worst story because inside that I'll be able to see the turnaround and the strength in that story. Right? We can't always see that ourselves. That's why friends are really great to bounce things off of. Hey, you know, this thing, this worst thing that happened to me, what are your thoughts on it?

You know, what do you see there? So asking somebody if you don't necessarily believe it is a really great way to help you believe that reframe, you know, and the more you can look at it objectively. And again, I'm going to bring back to writing and journaling is just writing it out, you know, could this be true? Why not? Why couldn't this be true? Right? If anything's possible and we live in a world of all possibilities, why couldn't it be true that the opposite of that story is actually true about me?

so really working with that, and I give a lot of ways and a lot of examples in the book on how to do that and take those stories and ask, ask other people, ask your friends, ask your family, you know, what are your thoughts on this story? what do you see in this story that I'm missing? And that again, it comes back to asking yourself really better questions, learning to ask yourself questions that are supportive of you because your mind is, is trained and it's built and all of us are programmed the same to give you an answer to that question.

So if you're asking it bad questions, like, my God, why does this always happen? why are you so stupid? Right? Whatever that nasty little story is that we have up there that we don't share with anybody, get ahold of that story because in that story, when you can turn those stories around, you're really going to be onto something quickly.

Meg Kearney (26:52)
I love the idea of asking ourselves better questions, which you talk about in your book. And can you give an example of what may be a helpful question is to ask when we're stuck in these negative story loops?

Carrie Rowan (27:07)
Sure, absolutely. You could ask yourself something like, I wonder, I wonder, questions are really good. I wonder what else is possible here. I wonder what I am not seeing about this situation that could be good. I wonder how I could make a difference and turn this situation around. You know, so you start asking your brain to come up and use creativity.

And now it's going into a total different part of your mind, right? It's going into the right side of your brain, which is where creativity sits. And when you can ask those, I wonder, are you starting to visualize, you starting to create a different movie in your mind about what else is possible here? What am I missing about this situation? What is good about this that I just can't see right now? What if this was for my highest good? What if all this was happening for my highest good?

Right? You can see instantly how that changes everything about that story that you're telling because you're only looking at one little piece of it.

Meg Kearney (27:59)
Mm-hmm.

Definitely and I had never thought of the fact that our brain is Designed to answer the questions that we ask it. So going back to what you said earlier of asking your brain Why is this so hard? It's going to come up with all the list of reasons of everything that's hard about what you're doing versus if you have more of an open-ended question your brain can kind of come up with the endless possibilities of

whatever you're asking it. So I love that. And I also want to ask you, you talk about the three Rs of recycling for use with our stories. Can you talk about that and how you apply that to our stories?

Carrie Rowan (28:50)
You know, it's so funny because there's that kid song by Jack Johnson, reduce, reuse, recycle. and it's an awesome song and it just so applies to our stories. It's kind of funny, but it's so true, right? Like, how, what am I supposed to do with this story? well, okay. I can, I can three R I can reduce the amount of times I tell it. Okay. That's a really good way to get myself out of the habit. You know, maybe I can't break it right away, but I'm going to reduce it. Right. Like if you're trying to break something out, some of the kind of habit.

Meg Kearney (28:53)
you

Carrie Rowan (29:17)
I'll reduce my carbs until I totally eliminate them, right? Or my sugar. So reducing the amount of times also sort of puts it in the back of your mind, right? And reuse it. Hmm, how can I reuse this story? It's kind of like rewriting it, right? Wow, I really love this aspect of the story where I did X, Y, and Z. Don't love this aspect of it. How could I reuse it? Well, I could really focus on what was good about that story.

I could focus on the skills I attained because I got through that thing. Right? So you're sort of, it's sort of like the reframe. You're reusing that story, just like you would reuse something or re gifted or whatever. And then some of those stories recycle, they just need to go on the recycle bin. Right? They just do like that one that I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. Right? All those stories that are just innately human stories, they can go in the recyclable bin.

Meg Kearney (29:58)
you

Carrie Rowan (30:11)
You know, you can, you can try to work with them. You can try to take them through those steps, but if you're not getting any progress, just put it in the recycle bin and create a whole new story that works better.

Meg Kearney (30:22)
Send it off, send it back into the abyss.

Carrie Rowan (30:24)
Send it off, put it on

that little conveyor belt, right? And, and you can just put it on there and you don't have to worry about that story anymore and focus on a different story. Ask a new story, ask a better question. All right. I'm going to put that story in the recycle bin. What else? What, do I want to focus on? What do I really want? What's working in my life? Because it's so easy to find what's not working. That is how we're programmed. All you have to do is.

Meg Kearney (30:28)
Mmm.

Carrie Rowan (30:53)
pick up your phone for just five minutes and you can feel crappy if you want to, right? So it's easy to look for what's not working, which is why my show is called Look for the Good. But you can, you can start to reprogram your brain and this is how you're doing it. You're reprogramming your brain to start to look for what's working. So it's okay to three RR stories. Let's focus on the stories that I like. Let's focus on the stories that make me feel good. and when I tell that story,

Meg Kearney (30:57)
Mm-hmm.

Carrie Rowan (31:21)
I noticed everybody around me, I just lifted the energy up with that story. Because you never want to be that person who stands in a party and the energy's high and everybody's having a great time. And you come in with that story and the whole energy of the room just goes like down in the ground like, okay. You don't want to be that, right?

Meg Kearney (31:37)
So true,

so true. And I can definitely relate to that feeling. And yeah, it's just important to be cognizant of how we're impacting other people. And I think also to just be okay with the fact that it's not going to change overnight. Sometimes you just have to start with one story at a time and...

Carrie Rowan (31:55)
Yeah.

Totally.

Meg Kearney (31:58)
Like you said, we've been programmed our whole lives to kind of see the negative and that's our survival mechanism too. So with enough training, we can see the positive more often than not. So the last part of story is you had it all along. So can you expand on that?

Carrie Rowan (32:12)
Yeah.

You did. Yes. Dorothy is Glinda said to Dorothy. Yeah. She had the power all along. And I love this cause I have my song. Well, you know, I have my songs in there through QR codes in my book. And this is when I do the take it back song, which is, know, talking, we never say the word power, but it's taking back your power, right? The power that we give away to everybody else. The power that we all the time unknowingly, especially as women.

Meg Kearney (32:30)
Mm-hmm.

Carrie Rowan (32:44)
women, girls, we were brought up to give our power away. Be quiet, sit there, don't say anything. Look beautiful, but don't say anything, right? And keep yourself small. Don't be too smart. You know, all those things which aren't true. They're just little stories in there, right? And so, you know, learning to polish up our stories and really step into that power and start to determine, hey, that story's giving my power away. I'm going to take that back and really going through

and taking a look at we are powerful just because we're humans, because we're here on this planet and we can create anything our minds can conceive of, that's power. But really knowing the difference between what I do have power or control over, which the only thing I really do is myself and my thoughts and my feelings, versus trying to get power over things that we'll never have power over, other people, their decisions.

what they do and when we can make that discernment, mentioned that great word earlier between those things and our anxiety level comes down because really all we ever can do is create what we want in our lives and our thoughts and what's going on in here. But we're just so pulled to be externally faced. It becomes harder and harder as time goes on. So you have to be strategic. You have to decide that this is how you want to live your life.

and then get your plan together with how you're to do it. That's why I love the five steps is a simple plan to help you really take your power back. And it starts with catching those stories. starts inside. It starts with figuring out what are those stories that were planted in my brain? Because sometimes they're not all negative. We have a lot of those, but we also have some glorious stories of one time a teacher said, wow, you're a really good writer and that's stuck in your head forever. you're really good at that instrument. Keep doing that. Keep playing that or

You're so strong, I admire that in you. Like whatever those little other stories are, write those down and make sure you keep track of those stories because those can change your life really, really fast.

Meg Kearney (34:44)
Yeah, definitely. There are some good ones in there and We have so much going on, like you said, in the external world and we forget sometimes to reflect and go inward. So I'm curious about your experience as you've worked with your own story. Have you found that as you've gone along, there's just always another story to

reframe or recycle, reuse, or have you found that as time's gone on, the stories have kind of lessened and you've been able to be more present in the moment?

Carrie Rowan (35:21)
Well, I think there's always stories popping up because it's just the way we're designed. It's how you deal with the stories. Right. And then when you can start to say, that's just a story I'm telling myself. That's not necessarily true. You know, don't, you can't believe everything you tell yourself. Right. because once you start to have, and you start to get the skills, it's just another skillset. It's just in their tool in your back pocket and you have your go-tos. They don't affect you as much. You recognize them quicker.

You're like, that's just a story that I told about that. Hmm, let's take a look at that. Is that true? And now you have ways of dealing with it. Cause you always have new stories that come in, right? Because new situations happen, right? So you just have better ways of dealing with them to keep yourself in that PMA, present moment awareness.

Meg Kearney (36:03)
I like that PMA.

That's cute. Totally different. You can also be PMA with PMS, but not as fun.

Carrie Rowan (36:05)
Yeah, not to be confused with PMS.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So you

just get better at you get better at handling the stories and recognizing the stories, you know, then you get so excited. You want to help everybody else with their stories when they're not always they're not always into that.

Meg Kearney (36:28)
That is

perfect because it brings me to my next question about this because oftentimes when we go on this journey of self-awareness, I'm speaking from my own personal experience, so as I've gone on this journey of self-awareness, I've noticed other stories about other people coming up about, you know, maybe I don't think they're on the journey they should be on and

I'm curious about this because...

As we notice our stories and how they're making us feel and how they make other people feel, we may encounter other people who are telling stories that are creating low vibe within us. So I'm curious how you would suggest to handle someone in your life who is stuck in these lower vibe stories.

Carrie Rowan (37:25)
Hmm, that's a good one. That's a good question. There's so many of those because you want to dive in, you want to dive in and be like, that's just a story you're telling yourself, but that never goes over well. So this is where you have a little bit of the detachment theory, right? Where you, you, that is their process. That's their path. Okay. If it's my child, it's that's a different story. We're going to, I'll open it up for discussion or a close friend.

Meg Kearney (37:27)
You

Mm-mm.

Carrie Rowan (37:51)
who is open to hearing some feedback, but you know, if it's, I can't, you know, start telling, you know, people and other people in my family or that I know, or they should change their story. You know, that's where you gotta bite your tongue a little bit, but, and here's the cool thing about this work, right? You're never gonna be able to go back to where you weren't aware of your story. So it's really cool that you're recognizing that in other people. It becomes really good fodder for creativity, right? I like to think of it like, like I'm always,

kind of listening into life because I'm a songwriter, right? So everything's always a little gem of a song starting or a story or a book or whatever. So it becomes that where you can kind of be a little bit detached from it. And it doesn't have to be an argument because you realize that's something they need to work out in and of themselves. It actually gives you more tools to stay in your own good place and just know what's going on. You know, without

without being reactive to it or having it become a trigger for you. know, besides you can think of it, triggers are actually really a great thing that happen because they tell us more about ourselves. Ooh, I guess I need to work on that area a little bit more. Right? So you're always using it as, a tool, as food to feed that insatiable appetite that our soul has to get better at this thing called life, you know,

Meg Kearney (38:56)
Mm.

Carrie Rowan (39:06)
get better at managing the only thing we ever have any control to manage, which is ourselves and our reactions to things.

Meg Kearney (39:13)
Yep, that's so true. We don't have control over anybody else. We can only control ourselves in our own stories. So what about those stories that maybe are older and stronger? So maybe it's you have stories with certain relationships like family, let's say family is a really touchy one and you can't necessarily remove yourself from your family. So

Carrie Rowan (39:21)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

That's true.

Meg Kearney (39:41)
Do you

think it's all kind an internal work or do you think there comes a point where you maybe need to have a conversation or have some separation?

Carrie Rowan (39:56)
Well, I think it's harder with family, you know, because those are such trigger stories for us too. I mean, you know, I grew up in a family with five kids and if you, if we all experienced it, we're part of a situation and you ask every one of us their perspective on that, you're going to get five different answers every single time. My one sister used to have these crazy perspectives and I'm at there in the same room and I'm like, wait a second, what? But it never, you never got anywhere bringing that up because that's.

People see life not as it is, right? I say this in the very beginning of my book. They see it as they are. So she's looking at that through her lens, which is very different than my lens. I have a very different lens. So I see it differently. I interpret it differently. And so that's why it's not even worth arguing. That's their perspective.

Meg Kearney (40:26)
Mm-hmm.

Carrie Rowan (40:46)
You're not going to be able to change it. If you want to have a discussion about it, that's fine. But you're gaining so much perspective about not only yourself when you do this work, but everybody around you. And it allows you to have more compassion for people who are stuck in those stories is what it really does. Cause you recognize it and you know it sucks to be there, but unless they want to, you can't change them and you can't change their stories either. But you can change your story about them. That's all you really can do, but that will help you a lot to change your story. Wow.

I can see that they're really stuck in their stories. I pray for them that they can get out of that someday. I send them good vibes that, you know, someday they'll be able to, to not be so reactionary to other people's, you know, and it can help you to assuage that anxiety that comes up in you because that's all you really can do. You know, I mean, you can throw them a copy of my book, but really.

Meg Kearney (41:36)
They would love it. They would, uh, they'd change

their stories immediately. know it. Yeah. Somebody else has to tell them. So.

Carrie Rowan (41:41)
Yeah, when it doesn't come from you, right? Yeah. And I have

to be careful, right? People don't always want to hear what I, you know, I can't coach my friends, right? Like you just have to be, you just have to be respectful and have compassion when other people are at a different place with, you know, telling a new story than you are.

Meg Kearney (41:50)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, compassion is definitely key for yourself too, for maybe having stories about somebody else not being where you think they should be and for the other person for having their own stories and living those out. I wanted to ask you about your book too. So in the book you put together meditations and you put music in there and I don't know if there was a...

Carrie Rowan (42:14)
Totally.

Meg Kearney (42:25)
a greater purpose for putting them in the book or it was just fun but I loved it. It made the reading the book so interactive and I just wanted to ask you about that. What inspired you to include the meditations and the music in the book?

Carrie Rowan (42:40)
Well, I always knew that I was going to write a book with my music in it. I just didn't know how, you know, and as musicians, we always knew what QR codes were because years ago we used to put them on our posters, to tell people where the shows were. So we knew what they were, but most people didn't. I thought I was going to use a Spotify code, but then QR codes, look at it now. Everybody knows what a QR code is. But when I launched my book in the middle of pandemic in 2020, people didn't really know, but I always knew that that was my connection that I was going to have my music because my music

Meg Kearney (42:58)
Mm-hmm.

Carrie Rowan (43:07)
is really just a song as a three minute story. So I would always tell those, but it was always the stories between the songs. People would always come up to me afterwards and be like, wow, that story you really told, that really moved me. then that song and the whole thing, so it's a whole package. But I never thought, I mean, was hard. I'm not gonna lie. It's hard sometimes to tell those stories between the stories because you know all the stuff that happened in my family and such. And they weren't stories I talked about a lot.

but really to be able to get the story behind the story and then have that powerful piece of the music and the meditation of course is to help people really. I loved creating those. Those were so fun. To really integrate the learning, really take it into the body on a somatic level and really feel it and help people come up with their own practice, right? Ways to do what I'm saying to get in that present moment awareness, to take a look at your life objectively, to get in there and realize what those stories are and to

give you that space inside, right? Like meditation creates that space so that you have space inside you when, as we say, you can practice off the mat, right? And then you get to carry that with you all day long. And that's the space between what happens and you get to choose how you respond instead of our knee jerk reactions, which are so programmed into us from an early age. So if you're interested in being able to have that space and make those changes in the moment, that's where it comes from.

Meg Kearney (44:10)
Mm.

I loved it. I thought it was so creative because I read a lot and sometimes I'm kind of just reading to finish the book, you know, it's not necessarily integrating. So I loved that it just felt so interactive at the end of a chapter. I would listen to a song or I would play the meditation and it just, it helped the book feel more like an experience, not just something I was going to finish and put, away. And I told you this already, but

Carrie Rowan (44:53)
Mmm.

Meg Kearney (44:59)
If you ever create an app for the meditations, let me know because they were amazing.

Carrie Rowan (45:01)
Thank

you so much. And you know, that whole experiential thing that you're talking about, I mean, I say it's interactive, but people don't really get it until they have the book in front of them. It becomes so interactive. I'm interacting with people's emotions, with the music and the song, and they, they can learn, they can see through my stories and how I change mine. And then they go, wow.

I can change my stories, you know, and then all the exercises in there that keep you invested in finding those stories and what are those stories? Yeah, I just, I loved creating it. So thank you so much for saying that. I really love that you appreciated that.

Meg Kearney (45:36)
Yeah, of course, it was really, really well done. I want to end, I know you talked about it in your book, some of your personal stories. If you don't want to share, that's totally fine. But I wanted to see if you could talk about the significance of the quote, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow and why it's important to live in that way.

Carrie Rowan (45:58)
Wow. Well, that was something my, lot of the stuff in the book, like that was something my dad used to say all the time. That was his story. and it's so powerful because as a kid, I didn't really get like, what does dad say that all the time? But he was trying to say, only get this one life. You have one life to live. You don't know what's going to happen to you tomorrow. And when you, as you grow in this world, you realize how true that really is, you know,

And you're not promised. Nobody is promised tomorrow. So making the most of today and living with intention and like you said, feeding your soul is really what we're here for. We're really here to find joy. And when you give yourself space to find it, it's always there. You know, when you're creating that space intentionally in your life, whether it's through meditation or whatever, maybe you have a dirt church outside and you like go on a hiking or right? Well, like all those, all those things together.

whatever it is for you when you're creating space intentionally and you don't forget about the things that make you joyful in life. You know, that's the other thing my dad used to say is when you have gifts, when God gives you gifts, whatever they are, it's your responsibility to share those, to put them out to the world no matter what your gifts are. And so I think embracing that and remembering that.

You know, I'm going to say another quote now, Wayne Dyer, don't die with your music still in you. You know, what is that thing? What is that thing that you've longed to do that only you can do in your particular way? That's what makes us all so beautifully human is we think that everybody else has that skill or that ability to do fill in the blank, but nobody can do it quite like you. And sharing that with the world will give you joy and joy to everybody else in the world.

Meg Kearney (47:43)
so true and so wise and you never know how something you do or say is going to resonate with somebody else. So I love that. Thank you for sharing that. And thank you for all of the wisdom that you've brought to the episode today and in your book. I love that there's tangible steps. It's broken down. There's journaling, meditation, music, anything you could want. So thank you so much for that. And for listeners that

Carrie Rowan (47:54)
Thank you.

Meg Kearney (48:09)
are resonating and they want to connect with you and get your book, where is the best place for them to go?

Carrie Rowan (48:15)
Tell them to come to my website, carerowan.com, C-A-R-R-I-E-R-O-W-A-N.com. We always like to spell on the radio and podcasts. Thank you so much for having me on. This has been a really amazing conversation, Megan.

Meg Kearney (48:23)
It's easier.

Thank you.

Meg Kearney (48:40)
As always, I will link Carrie's website down below. And my offering to you this week is to just try to identify one story that you might be telling yourself or others that's no longer serving you. Maybe you try rewriting this story with a friend, a family member, a partner.

Or maybe you just use a journal to get a more objective lens on the story and how you can potentially rewrite it. And I would invite you to take it one step further where you maybe tell the same story that you've been telling with a different intention and see how it lands with yourself or with other people. And of course, if you're interested in Carrie's book, I would highly recommend it. It really does just give you the opportunity to integrate

everything that she talks about in the book and in the episode today. So definitely check it out if you're interested. As always, thank you for listening and much love to you all.